Skirt in the Kitchen
This is green slime, green gunk, green nasty-anything. It is grotesque. It is also radiant-gorgeous green as an emerald. It’s green in a large black pot on Halloween night. It resembles what you’ve read about in story books as a child– the green blob, glob, end of an owl’s claw, the tip of a frog’s nose. Let’s mix it into whipped egg yolks, cover it over ham, slather it in “worm noodles” and spread it over toast that is burnt. Let’s pour it in a blender for green cocktails with vodka. We’ll splatter the ceiling with it’s green germ. It’s got a bite, it is vicious. It’s got the right consistency, it’s not sure-jelled up; it’s sort of runny-jelled (soft) to have in drinks but also to season a smoked beef brisket outdoors around a fire. Let’s get scary.
Finely dice jalapenos for 1 cupful. Wear gloves. Warning: Nasal passages will be wide-open, burnt to hell.
Place into 6 cups apple cider vinegar, add crushed red pepper flakes.
When brew has reached a boiling point, turn down the heat from medium-high to a simmer. Stir in 2 pouches of liquid pectin. Fish out the peppers and red flakes with a strainer before adding pectin. Permanently discard any residue of peppers– feed to the birds… Scratch the bird feeding.
Add 9 cups sugar– a lot, but it’s poison… remember? It’s disgusting and fantastic. Only stir in 6 cups sugar at this point. Build into somewhat of a thickness, skim off the scum that collects on top of a glossy brown liquid. Cook down but just a little. Stir in 3 more cups sugar, 2 tablespoons peach-flavored brandy, 1 cup strained peach liquid from the ‘Spiced Peaches with Chocolate Mint’ recipe posted June 19; and add to the hot mixture juice from half a lemon. Continue to cook down but don’t get it too firm or firm at all. It’s tricky. It’s suppose to be s l i m e — Be careful not to ruin it. It’s meant to remain creepy in its ugliest form.
Take off the heat and drop in some green liquid food coloring.
Scrape into sterilized jars. With a clean (wet) kitchen cloth/paper towel, wipe the rims before sealing the caps and rings. Can by oven method or water bath. If not canning, refrigerate unopened up to 1 month before first use.
Food recipes follow in upcoming weeks featuring Jaloween Pepper Jelly Sauce.
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